| | The funny thing is - i had this long blog entry all ready to go about writer's block. It went at length explaining that all i was listening to was Taylor Swift's docile voice and all i wanted to do was watch re-runs of TV shows. Now I just feel tired and can't manage to wake up. I feel like I have been processing being away from school for a while now. The switch to summer is always an interesting one for me and more difficult then i am willing to admit. With the exception of L talking with people from school has been difficult. Maybe because this past year has had so much drama going on. Maybe because I was lonely and confused and feeling let go of. Maybe maybe maybe. But whatever it was the year and the semester are over. I have the ability for a fresh start.
I will be in Europe for four months soon. Kate will be there and I can cower behind her while we gallavant through her city. It does not take me long to get confident in a place but the reality is i will be a pilgrim for 3.5 months confused but happy (i hope). Its strange to think that I might make Salzburg my city, that i might learn to become a citizen of the world rather then just the eastern sea board. But the world is big and there is a lot for me to see, but apparently I have to be divorced to go on an adventure. I feel like EVERY travel memoir has a divorced woman featured in it. And as i was being all bitter because I'm not just fresh out of a relationship I am looking for a new start a fresh start. Looking for find myself looking to get grounded for a bit.
But now I just need to focus on being happy, because not falling into some pit of despair is a good thing. I just do not know quite how to manage this all at once. I feel like I have been transported back to the summer before college, so unaware of what was next. And so many other things at once. Would it be too much to ask to get this all figured out sometime soon?
My problem might be my fear of passion. I like stability too much. Passion of any kind to any side or degree is a frustrating thing, maybe I need a little more of it in my life. Well the good kind at least.
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| | Posted 5/28/2009 3:20 PM - 19 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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